Confusing Things Desi People Do When It Comes To Weddings.

As a person belonging to a typical middle class Pakistani family , I have seen somethings that just doesn’t make sense and contradicts with the the things I have been told and seen all my life. So, our parents always tell us not to spend so lavishly and try to save some money whenever we can and we have all seen our mothers and aunts bargain like pros with shopkeepers. I mean, I have seen some of my relatives bargain over 100 or 50 rupees for a good 10 to 15 minutes but when it comes to weddings we just completely forget the meaning of ‘wasteful extravagance’.

For example : so, as desis we have really long weddings. First, there are couple of dholkis from both bride’s and groom’s side then there is the function of mehndi,then nikah in the afternoon of the wedding or shaadi or at night during the shaadi then we have this post wedding function called valima and this doesn’t stop there then there is a series of ‘dawats’ i e dinners or lunches arranged by relatives from both bride’s and groom’s side. And even before the wedding there is the engagement ceremony and even before the engagement ceremony in some circles there is the ‘baat pakkii ceremony’ which is done on smaller scale than the engagement ceremony which is more ‘proper’ and done on a formal scale where at least 100 to 200 of close relatives are invited. And on top of that both bride’s and groom’s side has to send expensive gifts to eachother on auspicious occasions like Eids. The amount of money spent on cattering, hall bookings or ground bookings, gifts, dresses , jewellery and let’s not forget the ‘dowry ‘is insane. We literally leave no stone unturned when it comes to spending at weddings, those same aunties who bargain over 100 rupees for half an hour suddenly happily spend thousands on makeup, jewellery and clothes. The uncles who always tell you to spend wisely in life are seen spending literally at least 5 lacs on one one function out of the 3 main ones I.e the valima, shaadi and the mehndi ! Just on one function. The amount spent on bride’s dress and makeup combined is at least 2 lacs these days. And let’s not forget the thousands of rupees photographers charge for covering the functions. And I am quoting the minimal amount. The amount spent on weddings can reach up to 25 lacs if you want a ‘decent’ wedding. At least 500 people are invited on these main functions and the amount of food wasted in the functions is also insane.

Everything about the modern shaadi screams wasteful extravagance but yet the same people who had always told us to be careful in spending money turn a deaf ear during weddings and spend money like there is no tomorrow. Such blatant hypocrisy confuses me. Why can’t we just invite a few of close relatives on the main functions and just skip the other unnecessary functions or at least do such things on a small scale by just having a small dholki at home and inviting 25 -50 close family members instead of inviting 150-200 people .

What’s the point of inviting hundreds of distant relatives you are probably never gonna meet again and who don’t really care about you and are just attending for the free food and who are also gonna whine about bad food quality and will most probably share cheap gossip about your dress, jewellery and makeup? Such type of people bring nothing but stress and chaos because such type of people are mainly the ones who waste food the most and train their kids to literally fill moundfulls of plates after plates of food and they just eat a little and leave the extra food on the table and literally, due to such incidents often extra amount of food is ordered in advance so that it doesn’t go scarce. Oh, the irony here is too strong.

This is just one of the things that I can’t understand about our society. We just try so hard to give a good impression that we don’t hesitate to spend all or a huge chunk of our life’s savings on those 3-4 days.

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My Periods Story and One Of Our Biggest Dilemmas.

I live in a society where you can’t openly talk about your menstrual cycle.For those of you who don’t know, we as women have to face this thing called periods or what is popularly known as ‘That time of the month’ by many men. The taboo attached with periods is really bad in our culture, even in this century many Muslim women have to pretend that they are fasting in Ramadan and still the topic of periods make many young men uncomfortable and talking about it on an online platform somehow makes you a shameless person. How does talking about serious hygiene issues concerned with periods and busting period myths online makes me shameless?

As a young girl you get to listen to what you should or shouldn’t do when you are on your periods from older and not so older women . These are just old wives tales with no logic in them. Like, when I first got my periods many women / girls told me to avoid taking a shower/bath during the first 3 days of my periods and they gave me different reasons as to why I should avoid taking a shower. Some said it disturbs the flow, some said I will face complications during childbirth if I take a bath or a shower during the first three days .

And at first I believed them because I was a naive 13 year old and also,one day when I took a shower during first three days because it was a really hot day and I was sweating and feeling really irritated, I experienced really bad cramps and this made me scared that maybe the other girls / women are right and I shouldn’t do it.(but even after that on really hot days , I didn’t used to care and used to take a quick shower anyways because deodorant doesn’t always help! )

But, one day, out of curiosity I searched about it on the internet and I realized there is no scientific backing to this ‘myth’ and actually it’s suggested that you should take extra care of your hygiene because bleeding, bloating and cramps make you irritated and a hot bath or a shower helps you in getting more relaxed. From that day onwards I have become this little annoying ‘kid’ who asks for logic when she sees anything that doesn’t make sense in the society like I ask old people what’s the logic behind not wearing black clothes during festive occasions like a wedding and they just say it’s not appropriate and our elders used to say it’s not ok because of the mourning appearance of the color black but apart from that they have no reply and I go like but then why do women wearing black burqas is ok ? But,me wearing black clothes during festive occasions isn’t ? The problem with us is that we don’t ponder over things we just blindly follow what others tell us to do and we kill our sense of curiosity and intelligence by blindly follwing our ancestors / elders. It’s really one of the biggest dilemmas of our society which isn’t talked about much because you get a lot of hate in return for voicing your different opinion as an educated young man /woman. People call you bad names, like libtards, whores or youngsters brainswashed by western propaganda. Sometimes, it feels like as if it’s wrong to even have a sane voice in all this madness.

Delusions

Many of my peers or young people my age face this thing called ‘depression’ because of certain delusions which are part of our society.The thing is one has been wrongfullly told all his /her life that grades matter a lot, they do matter but other things matter way more than good grades. We have been fed a delusion all our lives that if you work really hard and get good grades your life will then be full of opportunities but in todays world, it doesn’t work that way. Your extra skills matter, your co curricular activities matter and your voluntary activities for NGOs matter. We are never really told that these things also matter a lot when it comes to applying for foreign universities or foreign scholarships etc. We have no concept of guidance counsellors, the only successful degrees are MBBS and B.E and if you can’t make it to be a doctor or an engineer then you end up choosing the 3rd option BBA. According to just about every elder in our society success equals being a doctor or an engineer. The other degrees don’t matter much. We have been fed with this delusion all our lives and after getting the degree after many sleepless and anxiety ridden nights when we step into the real world, we realize how wrong our elders have been but now that we are stuck we should just keep on pursuing the career that we don’t love because we don’t have any other choice and then we end up getting frustrated and depressed and years later tell our kids the same things that our parents told us, be a doctor or an engineer and this vicious cycle continues.

Young people don’t have a passion. We all are running blindly to get the most popular jobs which will give us the most money and power because that’s all that matters in our society.

A look at the past few days.

So, I haven’t posted in a while because so many things happened in my life these past few days. I had exams till last week of May, so I couldn’t really post but just a day before my last exam something tragic happened in the family and just few days after that incident my cousins had an accident , Thank God,they are safe but when I heard the details about the accident,It made me think. So, my cousin was driving, he was wearing his seatbelt and his wife,who is also my cousin, was seated beside him and she was not wearing a seatbelt. He was driving speedily, and was kinda lost in his thoughts and failed to see a biker in front of him, he all of a sudden made a turn and hit breaks to save the biker(who is safe btw), the sudden break made the car overturn, but miraculously his wife’s side of the door opened and she literally flew away and landed at nearby bushes just before the car overturned 2-3 times and the mind boggling thing was that the side on which his wife was sitting earlier got completely crushed, like if her car door never had opened, she might have suffered serious injuries. Also, she was lucky that she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt that day. She suffered minor injuries on the back of her neck and shoulders. She is completely fine now , weak due to loss of blood but nothing serious,Thank God.

That made me think how nothing is permanent in life and you never really know what’s gonna happen the next minute, let alone the next day . How we think our life is so predictable and boring but something like this happens and boom it makes you think how un predictable life really is and it got me thinking at the end of the day, does our successess and failures really mean anything at all ?

Random Things you hear as a girl/woman in Pakistan.

Randomness is part and parcel of life of a brown girl. Here are some of the things that particularly Pakistani girls hear sometimes from friends, sometimes from family and sometimes from complete strangers.

  • “Sit properly.”
  • “Don’t smile so much absentmindedly, it gives a bad impression”
  • “Smile more, it gives a good impression about you !!”
  • ” Don’t laugh too loudly ! What will people think”.
  • “Set your duppata(stole) properly”.
  • Random guy who have just known you for few weeks “I think you shouldn’t talk to those girls they aren’t good girls”.
  • “I am the only guy who is decent in this class. You don’t have any idea what other guys say about you and the rest of the girls in the class behind your backs!! Good thing I am a perfectly harmless good guy and you can feel safe within my presence”.
  • “Girls shouldn’t go out much”
  • “Boys prefer homely girls.”
  • “Boys prefer girls with ‘white complexion’.”
  • “Boys prefer girls who are skinny.”
  • “Don’t be too dominant”.
  • “A Woman who work becomes arrogant and end up disrespecting the husband”.
  • “Women who work don’t listen to their husbands and have a mind of their own.”
  • “The only place where woman truly belong is the kitchen.”
  • “Such a shame that you are girl and don’t know how to cook !”
  • “You should learn to compromise on a relationship as a girl.”
  • “Girls always has to be the ones who compromises in a relationship”.
  • “Young men are immature,young women should be more mature in a relationship.”
  • “Woman are made to make sacrifices.”
  • “Don’t talk to boys”.
  • “Obediently marry someone your parents have chosen for you because they know what’s best for you.”
  • You should have kids as soon as possible after your marriage.”
  • “Why are you studying so much at the end of the day all you will have to do will be to take care of the husband and kids “.
  • “Study for knowledge only and don’t think about pursuing a career.”
  • Husband to wife “am I not fulfilling all your needs ? Why do you need to work for? Just take care of the house”.

There are many more things that I haven’t written in this post and maybe I will never be able to write all the random and ridiculous things girls hear throughout their lives. But I think I have written the most repeated lines we as girls hear in our day to day lives.

5 Things Some Guys Do Online That Are Highly Creepy .

Who hasn’t came across creepy people in the online world?. I think almost everyone especially every girl who is has ever had an Id on social media sites such as Facebook or Twitter or any other online forum has at least came across one creepy person online.

Today, I am specifically gonna talk about creepy and cringey stuff some guys do online which they mistakenly think that is kinda romantic or attractive or nice even.

  1. Proposing to strangers online. So, there was this guy who wasn’t and still isn’t added on my Facebook account because I don’t add strangers (haha!) sent me a message which went to my other messages folder and he wrote that I speak the same language as you and I am looking for a girl who speaks the same language as me and so please marry me. That’s literally was his message !! Please marry me because we both share same language. Did he thought that I would be so overwhelmed with joy and say yes to him just because we can talk in our native language with each other!! I mean come on ! Bro, you ok ?
  2. Practically confessing that they are stalkers. There were 2 guys who sent me messages on Fb (again I have no idea who they are ) and they said they had been following my account for few months (even though the follow option is disabled on my Fb account) so, that means they have been stalking my account for months. They both said they couldn’t resist to message me because they think I am attractive or cute and one of the guys wanted to be my ‘friend’ while the other wanted a proper ‘official’ relationship with me. Seriously,guys ! That’s sick. It’s not cool that you are literally declaring yourselves that you have been stalking me thinking that I might find it to be a cute or romantic gesture.That type of gesture is creepy as Hell and not romantic at all.
  3. Sending weird ‘religious’ messages to complete strangers. I am not bashing anyone who is religious but there is a proper way to share genuine knowledge regarding ones religion. I am talking about messages which certain people think are religious but in reality such type of messages don’t really increase your knowledge. Seriously when do send this prayer / name / ayat to 10 people to prove you love the creator type of messages do anything to increase your knowledge? Sending such messages to people specially girls you have no connection with in real life is kinda creepy. A much older man used to send me what he thought were religious messages online and it was clear that he wanted to look like a ‘pious’ guy and wanted a reply from me but I just straight out blocked him because I hate it when people literally use religion as an excuse to talk to a girl.
  4. Sending shirtless pictures or pictures of private parts to random girls online. That’s the most creepiest and cringe worthy thing a guy can do. Thankfully,I personally haven’t recieved such messages but many girls have. Few days ago,some of the girls in an online group talked about such type of incidents and even posted screenshots of such messages(they blacked out the pictures of the private parts). When I read those messages I kept thinking why such type of people even exist. Its creepy man !! No one wants to see your private parts !! The girls won’t get crazy over them !! All they will feel will be disgust and nothing else and if some girl gets fed up and angry then she might even take screenshots and make such messages public and publically shame such disgusting guys.
  5. Pretending to be girls so that ‘Real’ girls can easily add them. I don’t know how many times have I come across such fake profiles online. Guys pretending to be girls with name such as stylish girl or princess angel. When I get requests from such people I automatically hit block. Even, the fake profile pictures taken from Google doesn’t fool me.

Have any of you guys received similar messages online?.If so, how you dealt with such creeps? I would love to hear a reply from the readers!

My Current Favorite Old Songs.

So, I finally got a day off and watched 2 films today and listened to 4-5 songs repeatedly the whole day.

So, I like to listen to old songs as well because I think many of today’s songs are just about hooking up and drugs and stuff and there is no real meaning behind them. Like, you don’t feel connected to them. Even though I listen to new songs too especially when I am jogging because it helps me jog better. But when it comes to quietly listening to something in your room, I prefer meaningful songs with good beats.

So, without further ado here is my list which contains a mix of English, Urdu , punjabi and hindi songs.

  1. Take my breath away by Berlin. https://youtu.be/Bx51eegLTY8
  2. Walking on sunshine by Katrina and the waves https://youtu.be/iPUmE-tne5U
  3. Bang bang by Nancy Sinatra https://youtu.be/T5Xl0Qry-hA
  4. Kehna hi kya from the movie Bombay https://youtu.be/zezEX_K2Rj0
  5. Boohey Barian by Hadiqa kiani https://youtu.be/kYFjg-canyM
  6. Yaroon by KK. https://youtu.be/LCfvYo3ILG0
  7. Boom Boom by Nazia Hassan https://youtu.be/trNkcBjXLVo
  8. Aye meray Hamsafar from the movie Qayamat say Qayamat tak https://youtu.be/sWqjZpBtcxc
  9. Pehla nasha from the movie qayamat say qayamat tak https://youtu.be/hXxTe-rYHO.

That’s the current list everyone. There isn’t a no 10 current favorite yet :p.

It’s one of those days again.

Have you ever had one of those days where you just want to be in your locked room all day and don’t want to see another soul for the whole day? .

Have you ever had one of those days where you just wanna turn on the AC (because the weather pretty hot these days where I live) and just get your headphones on and listen to music on your phone for a while and then watch movies all day on your laptop. ?

But you simply can’t do it because you have multiple commitments. There are people to talk to and there are important calls you have to make or attend and you know you can’t just skip these things but something inside you has been screaming for days to get one day off. Something inside you just don’t want to interact with people for a day because as an introvert taking a short break twice or thrice in a month from people and drama is a need for you. That dreading feeling is one of the most annoyingly frustrating things in your life because you know you genuinely can’t do anything about your current situation.

Yeah,I am having one of those days…

Don’t you ?

Don’t you sometimes wish for a world where there is total peace and prosperity?

Don’t you sometimes wish for a world where everyone is kind, generous and happy ?

Don’t you sometimes wish for a world where racism,sexism and terrorism doesn’t exist?

Don’t you sometimes wish for a world where you are free from heartache and pain?

Don’t you sometimes wish for a world where rape, murder, robbery ,cheating and corruption doesn’t exist ?

Don’t you sometimes wish for a world where justice always prevails?

Don’t you sometimes wish for a world where your honesty, kindness and fairness are seen as attractive traits instead of physical beauty ?

Don’t you sometime wish for a world where your loved ones never leave you ?

Don’t you sometimes wish for a world where jealousy and envy doesn’t exist?

Don’t you sometimes wish for a world where the rich doesn’t have an upper hand over the poor ?

Don’t you sometimes wish for a world where you are not belittled , judged or harassed for having different religious beliefs, opinions and lifestyle than the majority of people ?

Don’t you ?

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