I properly started writing this blog last year when I was going through a highly depressive period of my life. Some of the posts which I later deleted were so full of hopelessness that even I was surprised I wrote such things when i read them again some time later and eventually I had to delete them because I couldn’t believe how defeated I became in those days.
Now, that I am in a much better place mentally, I can look back and understand why I was so completely and utterly heartbroken.The thing is, in the Pakistani/ Indian society, the demand for excellence is increasing day by day, you see stories of child prodigies doing their PhDs by the age of 16 or 17 and your parents tell you to work harder because if they can do it, so can you. The culture of comparison is what is main cause behind our anxiety and depression, I believe. Our parents want us to be model kids,you know, highly intelligent, always getting straight A’s type of kids. I lost count of how many times my own dad told me about the achievements of his friends’ off springs. It makes you think less of yourself and your achievements and the worst part is our parents don’t understand the kind of insecurity and anxiety that gets build up inside us due to them saying such things.They think, it might make us work harder, maybe for some people this strategy works but not every person is the same and parents often fail to understand for some people such kind of comparison just creates anxiety and is just not good for their mental health because this leads an individual deep into the culture of comparison which is a dangerous thing.
An individual who becomes engulfed in such culture always end up comparing himself or herself to others which leads to a life devoid of any happiness. You never truly become happy this way because someone will always be much more successful, someone will always have a much more charming personality and someone will always be much more clever than you! It’s a vicious cycle and you will always feel as if you can never win! which is not good for your mental health at all.
If someone who is reading this is going through something like that, my advice to them is that life doesn’t always remain the same, it might feel like the end of the world and I know it sounds corny but its true that if you are still breathing than it’s not the end yet and you still have time to prove yourself, take your time to heal, there is no rush, remember there is always time for improvement, always! don’t confine your achievements to certain years, some people achieve success when they are at their 40s, 50s or 60s, Don’t just focus on achieving everything in your 20s because in this way you will become more anxious, trust me, I have been there and I myself am still struggling with this thing in my mid 20s. Don’t let your failure get the better of you, trust me, I was a mess last year due to not achieving what I thought I would have achieved by the age of 25 but then slowly, I realized I am still young and still can achieve a lot and now at the ripe old age of 26, I have gained the wisdom that everything will happen at its own time, all you have to do is focus and keep on working hard and just stop listening to other people, listen to some good music instead!
Learn to celebrate your achievements and learn to move on when you are hit with failure or even series of failures, have hope that one day you will be able to create a decent life for yourself. Focus on your own well-being and happiness, stop focusing on other people because in this way you will never be truly happy, again trust me, I know how much it hurts when you feel like as if you have lost everything in life! Just breathe, formulate another strategy to move forward in life and work on that.Trust me, it will get better, hard to see now, but it will.